Stewardship in families
by Marilyn Sharpe
View Source - The
Clergy Journal
From my earliest memory, I remember my parents talking about
giving back some of God's abundant gifts. I recall conversations
about giving through offerings to our congregation, through
charitable gifts to help others in our community and around the
world, and through spending time and talents to make the world a
better place for all of God's children. Actually, what I
remember best and most fondly is that my parents lived their
words. I learned from them that stewardship is bigger than the
change we put in our offering envelopes. It's broader than
money. It's a way of viewing our relationship with God. God is
inviting us to be caretakers of the creation, to care for one
another, to celebrate God's boundless generosity with us by
sharing with others. Yes, my parents gave money to our church,
but they also supported missionaries in Africa and relatives in
Sweden. They taught Sunday school, ushered, served on church
committees, and provided congregational leadership. They led
Girl Scout and Boy Scout troops. They served on the PTA and the
school board. They helped neighbors who needed support or
solace. My parents were wonderful stewards - and wonderful
teachers.
Why Is Stewardship Important?
Stewardship, at its best, is about gospel, not
law. We don't give because we've got to, but because we get to.
We live a loving, giving, thankful response to God's love for
us.
But stewardship is not programmed into us -
and our culture of me-first materialism certainly does not teach
it as an important value. We need to be taught to be grateful
and to live generously. If we aren't taught to share the gifts
we have been given, we assume that we received the gifts because
we deserved them - that they are ours, intended for our
amusement, comfort, and smugness. We disconnect from the family
of God. And we disconnect from God.
Marian Wright Edelman, founder and president
of the Children's Defense Fund, writes eloquently of what her
parents, who were poor, taught her about stewardship. In The
Measure of Our Success, she writes, "We learned that service is
the rent we pay for living. It is the very purpose of life and
not something you do in your spare time."
Whose Job Is It, Anyway?
So, who will teach about stewardship? Why
can't the church just do it? After all, isn't the church the
repository of moral and ethical teaching? Isn't that what we pay
clergy to do? After all, parents plead, we're not seminary
trained and we're awfully busy.
Well, the church can and should teach about
stewardship to all of God's children at every age and stage. The
church can stretch one's understanding beyond the yearly pledge
drive - beyond the idea that I give some of my money and my time
and my gifts - to sharing the abundance of what God has showered
on me.
But then there is that troublesome text in
Deuteronomy, corroborated by research, that proclaims that
teaching faith and values is most effective when done in the
home, supported by the same message in the congregation. In
fact, Deuteronomy is very clear about where the responsibility
lies:
Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord
alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and
with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words
that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to
your children and talk about them when you are at home and when
you are away. . . . (Deut 6:4-8).
In other words, parents are called to weave
faith talk into the whole fabric of their daily lives with their
families.
How Do Adults Guide Young Stewards?
- Talk about it. Begin by teaching children
(and reminding adults) that everything we have - time,
talents, treasure - is a gift from God, intended to be
shared with the entire family of God. Teach the distinction
between possessing and being stewards. Tell kids about why
we give and what we give and to whom we give. This needs to
be part of the faith talk as families. The word
"stewardship" needs to be one that chil-dren hear adults in
church and at home use and explain.
- Model it. Even more powerful than what
adults say is what adults do. If there is a discrepancy,
children will believe what we do over what we say. So,
adults - parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents - for
heaven's sake, don't do stewardship in secret or after the
kids are in bed or when they aren't around. Model
generosity, concern for others, empathy, and altruism. Show
them what you do. Let them do it with you. Let young people
see themselves as stewards.
- Express concern about examples of poor
stewardship. When we see examples of poor stewardship in our
news media, our neighborhoods, our families, and our
government, we need to identify the problem, generate
solutions, and get to work. We need to include children in
both words and actions.
- Resolve and commit to be good stewards.
Encourage and support children to share what they have.
Families, decide on very specific things you will do to be
good stewards. Serve others as a family unit. Check in as a
family to monitor progress on goals and projects. Invite
others to join you.
- Catch young people being good stewards.
Be vigilant to catch young people - those in your family and
those in your congregation and neighborhood doing things
right. Catch them being good stewards. Catch kids being
generous, empathic, and altruistic. Remind them of times
they've been good stewards. Predict that they'll soon be
good stewards.
What My Children Have Taught Me: First Fruits,
Not Leftovers (Jesus) said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change
and become like little children, you will never enter the
kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the
greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Mt 18:3-4).
We are to learn from children, not just teach
them! So, really, what do they have to teach us? Let me
illustrate with three lessons my children taught me when they
were young.
Alison and the Madame Alexander doll. When
Alison was 4, my mother gave her a Madame Alexander doll,
dressed in a froth of pink with a head of blond, curly hair,
just like my daughter's. When Alison was 41/2, my mother died.
The doll was expensive, but its real value was as a reminder of
a precious relationship. When Alison was 6, Les and I asked our
children to sort through their toys, selecting some in good
condition to give to Pastor Scott, whose ministry is to the
impoverished in the inner city. He would give them to children
who otherwise might not have a gift at Christmas. Alison came
out of her room beaming and bearing her Madame Alexander doll.
"No," I thought, "not that toy!" Alison persisted. "This is what
a girl who only gets one toy would want." And Alison was right
and I was wrong. She taught me to give the good stuff.
Dumpster diving with Kathryn. By age 11,
Kathryn was already our own ecowarrior. She cared for the earth
in careful consumption, in rigorous recycling, in picking up
trash after others. One July 5, we were at a beach where trash
overflowed the dumpsters, replete with countless aluminum cans.
Kathryn was horrified. Les and I were, too. But Kathryn asked,
"What can we do?" (Les and I were just thinking of a judgmental
pronouncement on the slobs that would trash a nonrenewable
resource.) Minutes later we all three found ourselves filling
giant trash bags with disgustingly sticky, greasy aluminum cans
which we would take home, wash, and recycle. And Kathryn was
right and we were wrong. She taught us to care for the creation,
even when it wasn't clean and easy.
Jonathan and the man at the door. When
Jonathan was 8 and in love with money, he hoarded his cash and
dreamt big dreams. One dusky evening, a stranger rang our
doorbell and I answered. "Lady, can you spare some cash?" he
implored. I mutely shook my head and closed the door, angry and
embarrassed that a panhandler was working our neighborhood.
Jonathan came running, asking who was at the door. "A homeless
man was begging for money, Jon," I replied. Silently, Jon went
to his room, got his stash of cash and ran to catch the man. And
Jonathan was right and I was wrong. He taught me to give and
give generously, not dependent on being worthy, because God has
given abundantly to us, regardless of our worth.
So, adults of faith, be prepared to be good
stewards of these incredible children in our midst. Let us be
humble learners as well as teachers. Let us let children teach
us to give first fruits, not just leftovers.
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