Recently my family had to plan a funeral service for my mother-in-law. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever experienced.

What made it worse was that we had absolutely no idea what we were doing or were to begin. Funeral planning usually has to be accomplished in a very brief time. Worse yet, it has to be done while your grief is the freshest. It's like planning a wedding in a week instead of several months. If it were not such a somber occasion it would almost be humorous.

I will do my best to provide the basic information you should consider whenever you begin to plan a funeral. Every funeral is different but they often contain similar elements. Use this information as a guideline when you are faced with making funeral arrangements and you should be successful at putting together a nice service on short notice.

1. Pick a good funeral home with a knowledgeable director. They will provide you with a great deal of help and direction as you begin to plan a funeral. Hopefully your loved one made previous arrangements with a funeral home of their choice. They may even have paid for the lot, casket, headstone and service in advance which will be a huge financial savings and stress reducer. Try to learn this information if is not already too late to ask.
2. Get some help choosing a casket from someone you trust. If you don't plan on having a public viewing of the body then you can save a lot of money by choosing a less expensive casket. Being practical on the casket costs does not reflect on your love for the deceased. Don't listen to those mind games.
   
   There is not really a good reason to spend 10k on a casket that will be buried and out of sight. If you do have a public viewing you can get an attractive casket for less than 2k so don't give into pressure to over spend.
3. Decide what type of service you want. This is an obvious step when you plan a funeral but it is not always an easy choice. Will it be at the funeral home? Will it be a graveside service? Will it be a memorial service at your church? Don't get stressed over this decision. Just focus on making whatever you do memorable and nice.

4. Write a nice obituary for the newspaper that describes the life of your loved one. The key is to be brief since this is pretty expensive. Focus on writing something that captures their essence without too much detail. Save that for the service and the bulletin.
5. The bulletin used at the service is a memorable keepsake for those that attend. Spend time collecting several pictures that tell their story. Find a poem or two and include those as well. Spend more time writing about their life for the bulletin. You might even want to have someone write a 1-2 page life story that can be included as an insert.

6. Decide what Pastor will perform the service. They will all do a wonderful job so don't let this decision become an issue between family members. Pastoral consideration is an important step when you plan a funeral because they are not always available and sometimes need to request assistance from another Pastor.

7. Provide the Pastor with favorite Scriptures, poems, anecdotal stories, etc. to help them describe the deceased. Help them do what they do best.

8. Pick some favorite songs to be played during the service. They can be recorded or live music. Recorded music is less expensive and can be put on a CD in advance of the funeral service.
9. You may want to have a reception with a meal after the service. Yes, when you plan a funeral you often end up planning a meal as well. Many churches provide this at no cost or for a donation. The last thing you want to have to do when you plan a funeral service is to add in the stress of planning a meal for a bunch of people. If your church does not do this for you then ask some friends to pull something together. Don't attempt to do this yourself.

10. Make sure those that attend the funeral know about the guest book. It's very easy for people to come to the funeral service without signing the guest book because they did not know it existed or where it was located. Make sure the Pastor or someone makes a special point of asking people to sign the guest book. It will be a very special keepsake to you over the years.

11. If you will have pall bearers decide their order in advance. You don't need any confusion at such a critical time. Make sure the funeral director knows their order as well.
12. Ask someone to take charge of taking a picture of each flower arrangement that arrives. They need to be sure to capture the card that comes with the flowers so you know who sent which arrangement. After the pictures have been taken they can collect all the cards so you have them as a reference when writing Thank-you cards.

13. If you have live music make sure the musician knows exactly how you want the songs performed. Believe it or not when you plan a funeral service you feel like you are planning a huge production. The music is a very important part of the service. Do you want Amazing Grace played one time through or four times through? Musicians need to know your expectations so there are no hurt feelings later.

14. You may want to predetermine which family members will sit where. Let someone else handle communicating this information with everyone. Just make the decision and then pass it on. Again, you don't need confusion at this point in the funeral service.
15. Make sure you have plenty of Kleenex available where the family members and closest friends will be sitting. It is so frustrating to run out of Kleenex and you will definitely need plenty. When the funeral director helps you plan the funeral service this is usually something they arrange, but sometimes they miss this small detail.

16. Assign a friend to collect all personal items after the service if you are moving from one location to another. It's easy to lose picture frame stands, pictures, cards, purses, etc. You don't want to be thinking about such things during the funeral so let someone else take on that responsibility.

17. Decide on gift money for the Pastor, musicians, food prep team, etc. in advance so things don't become awkward. Little things like this can add big stress later. Funerals can get a bit pricy but if you plan a funeral carefully you won't get hit with any unexpected expenses afterwards.

18. Pull together at least 100 pictures to be used for a memory DVD and for displays. You will find that even 100 pictures will not be enough once you get started. If you have someone that knows how to put together a high-quality picture DVD with music then let them do it for a small fee. The funeral homes really gouge you on this one and they usually limit the pictures to 40-80 per DVD. Doing it yourself you can add as many as you can fit. Start picking out pictures today and you won't have to deal with this when you are hurting and stressed.

There are so many details to attend to when you plan a funeral service. These are some of the major things that are bound to surface. Believe it or not you will make it through this extremely emotional and painful experience. Take one step at a time when you plan a funeral service and get as much help as possible. God bless you my friend!