More Than a Children's Sermon:
Family-Friendly Worship

Worship this morning was wonderful . . . and family-friendly! The highlights for me: (1) three generations of women in the pew ahead of us, (2) "Mom" and "Dad" inscribed in the front of my hymnal, and 3) a sermon illustration about a young child who lives the love of Christ.

My husband and I, empty nesters now, only rarely have the pleasure of sharing the pew with our adult children, but we love to sec other families together in worship. This morning, we watched three generations of women slide into the front pew - two grandmas, a mom, an aunt, and, in the center, a precious eight-year-old girl. The little girl sat up so straight, glancing from side to side with a smile, reflected on the faces of the women who obviously loved her. Throughout worship, hands were ready to show the place in the bulletin, to run a finger along the words in the hymnal, to reach out in loving touch to this little girl. Were they there years ago at [he baptismal font, making promises to God on behalf of this child? They were there now to keep the promises - to include her in the family of God, to make her reel welcome and loved in the midst of this worshiping community.

And the hymnal? The inscription was in pencil - big, bold capitals, lettered by a young child's hand: MOM and DAD. For this child, the first leaders of worship were parents. They were the ones who sat with this child in worship, inscribed on the heart as well as in the hymnal. Beloved parents had been telling Gods story, and had brought this child of God to worship in Gods house. How faithful to the promises they made at the baptismal font!

What about the sermon illustration? The pastor told a real story of his fifth-grade daughter. A newly immigrated Cambodian girl came into her class, knowing only four words of English. Grace invited her into her life, into her circle of friends, and onto her relay team. The choice cost her team first place in the race, but they won the race of faithfulness - they welcomed the stranger in Jesus' name; they loved her as they have been loved. It was a poignant story for all of us, but think about the eight-year-old in the front pew. She heard a story about a child like her, making choices like the ones she needs to make. We all need to find ourselves in God's story, to find God in our story. The sermon today helped a young friend in Christ do just that.

For me, these are examples of what family-friendly worship looks like. They are a reminder that Jesus welcomed the children and told us adults that unless we become like a little child, we will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Children in worship complete the Body of Christ. They are not the future of the church; they are the present.

Before We Ever Get to Church

Partnering home and congregation generates power to pass on faith. The congregation becomes the place that equips the home to nurture faith. The home prepares the child to connect with community, to worship and learn together.

Home is the place where parents or guardians are the first face and voice and arms of God to a child. Through them, children learn to find God in every aspect of their daily lives. They learn the stories of faith and they learn to pray at bedtime. They learn to thank God for food and for the stunning beauty of their world. They learn that God cares when they are sad or hurt, that God forgives, that God loves them, no matter how hard the day. They learn to care for others, to help others, to pray for others, because God has first loved them. This, too, is worship.

What else can parents do to ready their child for congregational worship?

• Sing songs of faith.

• Pray the Lord's Prayer.

• Recite the Apostles' Creed (or the creed used in your worship).

• Read Bible stories, so scripture will be familiar.

• Find a book about worship, like Come Worship with Me (Ruth L. Boling, Tracey Dahle Carrier, Geneva Press, 2001) to familiarize children with the parts of worship and the symbols they will see in the sanctuary.

Children thrive when they know what to expect. Children look to their parents as role models. If getting ready tor church is stressful and contentious, they won't be eager or feel it's important to worship. Like the eight-year-old in the front pew, children check to see what adults are doing and how they are doing it. Attitude is as important as behavior.

Sometimes, parents don't know what to do ... or, even that it is important to do anything. The congregation can provide newsletter articles, bulletin inserts, a parenting class, or home visits to help parents know what to do and how to do it.

Begin Early

No, I haven't lost my mind. And, yes, 1 do know how difficult it can be to worship with young children. Bringing children to worship from the time they are infants helps children learn what they can expect of the worship service and what is expected of them. Ib hold an infant in loving arms, to rock her or him in the faith, is a gift. Rabies learn that worship is that familiar repetition of loud sounds and silence, singing and speaking, standing and sitting, all from the safe harbor of the arms of a caring adult. Worship becomes a welcome and welcoming place - familiar, safe, associated with wonderful memories.

Waiting until "later" often means postponing worship until the child or adolescent feels lost in [he unfamiliar - bored and embarrassed by wha[ [hey don'[ understand, impatient to get out of the sanctuary and back to life that is familiar and doesn't include a faith community.

The Church Building

Think about a child's first impression. What helps children believe, "We were expecting you"?

• Add a second doorknob on the front door, at child-height.

• Invite families to be greeters, including the children.

• Use nametags for everyone.

• Provide worship bags, [especially filled with soft toys that tell a Bible story, crayons, scripture-related pictures to color, a soft book, and a children's bulletin.

It Should Be Education and Worship

So many congregations, by scheduling Sunday school at [he same time ax worship, make it seem like a choice - education or worship? Both are necessary to build up the Body of Christ. If, as adults, we feel that worship is important to our faith life, why would we deprive children of Word and Sacrament in a worshiping community? If we feel it is important for our children to learn about the faith, why wouldn't we commit to being lifelong learners ourselves?

The Worship Service

Often, adults with young children choose or are directed to sit in the back. Easier to make a quick escape if the child makes noise or wiggles. But, what can a child see from there that makes her or him feel connected to worship or to the worshiping community? The backs of heads, that's what!

Some congregations have removed the front pews and put rocking chairs or quilts on the floor for families with young ones. Some have reserved the front several pews for young children and those worshiping with them.

Children's sermons can be effective if they respect the developmental level of the children and never get a laugh at the children's expense. Many adults appreciate the concrete object lesson, linked to our everyday lives.

Other congregations have made worship more family friendly in these ways:

• Have good readers (even very young ones) read the lessons.

• Read the lessons from a children's Bible.

• Invite families with children to usher.

• Invite children and youth to gather the offering.

• Regard children's choirs as leading worship, not cute entertainment.

• Include songs the children know.

• Simplify the language of prayers to be readable by children.

• Invite youth to deliver the message on a Sunday other than Youth Sunday.

• Work with children and youth so that they understand what they are reading or doing in the service and know how to do it really well.

• Thank them for leading worship.

• Ask children and youth what else they would like to do or experience in worship.

• Mark faith milestones during worship - receiving a Bible, blessing backpacks, beginning confirmation, blessing new driver's licenses, and blessing and sending youth as they graduate from high school.

Taking It Home

Make sure that children and their families have something to take with them when they go out into the world to share their faith and to serve. Give them TaithTalk cards or a simple family devotion to take home, to continue the conversation. This is the ultimate way to make worship family-friendly.